Types of Child Counseling

When a kid is growing up, he is going through a long developmental period. At times, it is hard for kids to deal with the day-to-day stress and bad experiences. One way to help your kid deal with these issues is to seek help from a child counselor. Read on to know more about it.

Does your child need counseling?

How can you find out if your kid really needs counseling? As a matter of fact, it’s hard to determine if your kid is just acting up or he needs help to deal with a serious issue that he may have. So, if you have been trying to get the answer to this question, all you have to do is trust your gut and use the common signs of distress in a kid. Below are a few signs that you should be aware of:

· Your kid doesn’t get enough sleep or his eating behavior has changed

· Your kid acts out aggressively

· He doesn’t get good grades

· He doesn’t show any interest in his studies

· He falls sick more often

So, if you notice these changes in your kid, you should rest assured that you have a bigger problem to deal with. Therefore, you should get in touch with your doctor in order to get advice and recommendations.

What child therapy Should You Go For?

You can benefit from various counseling methods. To choose the right method, all you have to do is determine your kid’s needs. At times, multiple methods are used for the same kid. For kids, you can choose from a variety of therapies. Some of them are listed below:

Talk/Play Therapy:

If your kid finds it hard to talk about a certain subject or trauma, we suggest that you take him to a professional for talk/play therapy. Your kid can make use of different objects, such as toys in order to tell you what they can’t tell you through words. Some kids who were abused benefited from this therapy greatly.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy:

Actually, this is a behavior-oriented therapy. It is based on some underlying issues that your kid is suffering from. Due to these issues, your kid may be acting out. According to experts, once you have addressed the underlying issues, your kid will start behaving normal once again. If this method doesn’t work, your kid may need another special therapy.

Cognitive Therapy:

This therapy spurs on your kid to make positive changes to his thought process. This will help your kid identify harmful things that make him feel stress. Kids suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD. If your kid shows these symptoms, we suggest that you try out this therapy. As a matter of fact, this is one of the most common therapies as far as child counseling goes.

Aside from this, family counseling is another form of counseling that can help your kid feel normal once again. The fact of the matter is that all of these therapies can treat your kid emotionally as well as psychologically. If your kid also needs help, we suggest that you take him to a good therapist.

Quantum Psychiatry

Mainstream psychiatry is not working. If it was, then people who go to therapists would recover. Bringing up past trauma and rehashing it over and over does not work. The medical system is in the dark ages when it comes to the knowledge of how spirituality and science work. Our bodies are suspended in energy. We are energy and light beings.

If you compressed our matter, you could fit it into a golf ball. Vibrating energy is the basis of how the body and universe work. It’s the science of quantum physics that has been suppressed to keep us in a material world that only brings more suffering.

Bringing up the energy of the past does not heal, it keeps those energies around. We need to increase the vibration of our body. When a person is happy, cells vibrate fast, like being in love.

When a person is sick, there is a low body frequency. Everything is energy. The psychiatric system will not do anything until it reaches the core of the person.

We are energy. That is what the focus should be-energy and vibration! Quantum Mechanics! This is what will bring psychiatry into the new era of healing.

At 52 years, I entered into therapy for the first time. As open as I could be, there was much to be digested. CBT-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy-was the route I chose and the therapist had a background in theology. In the time we spent together, I’ve become more aware and focused on being present for life’s many lessons.

My maladies include anxiety/depression. I swing from one extreme to the other. Panic attacks have sent me to the ER and MDD, Major Depressive Disorder, has plummeted me into suicidal depths. I’m not proud nor ashamed; this was simply the hand I was dealt.

In a twisted move of fate, I have endured life with an angry sister. She decided to post all of my struggles on social media without any consideration to my health. As an inpatient in a psyche ward, I received phone calls and flowers due to her exposure. I was beyond humiliated but will admit that some people were so loving and kind and extended much needed compassion.

Today, with medications and therapy, I face life with hope. It took raising my energy level slowly and allowing me to adapt to the world in a new way. No more escape routes using alcohol or any other unhealthy means of coping. I am truly at peace and wake up with a relative degree of anticipation at what the day might bring

Psychological Power Begins With Mind Control

Watching a young girl of six years old being fitted with a head scarf in the Muslim tradition on a television news item was sickening. Australia is a hot climate country and even in winter the temperature can get rather high in Southern regions while in the north it can go into the thirties. The little girl ripped the scarf off and declared that it was too hot. She also goes to school where no other children are so adorned.

All over the country, however, girls as young as this are forced into these covers. Women of that faith may go even further with some of them wearing berkers. One must wonder, therefore, about the psychological power controlling their minds. What, indeed, is the benefit of any religious costume and the tradition that stands behind them?

Following my reincarnation and with knowledge that all religions are wrong and the gods they worship are fake my observation of them has been a lifetime event. Between lives and with the Spirit of the Universe, the only God, it was shown to me that undoing the brain-washing is a job I would undertake.

It created an urgency to understand as much as possible about what people believe and why? It would not be possible to complete it until the age of 45, in accord with the vision shown. At that age the Spirit commissioned me to remove the wall of churches and bring in the harvest.

Whether this rings true with people or not the facts are that the spiritual children of God will know that it is right. The Spirit has used visions and a special teaching to demonstrate the mysteries and confusion for which religions are responsible.

Institutional power begins with brain-washing of young children, just as with the girl above. While she was too young to have any comprehension about what the veil is for it made no difference to the mother who was inflicting it upon her and who also wore a veil.

Once they have control of the mind leaders manipulate such people into acts that are even against their will, such as being a suicide bomber. The amount of constant enforcement of such an idea that precedes one donning an explosive vest or flying an aeroplane full of people into a building has to be enormous and coming from many sources.

Reinforcing the brain washing are laws and social expectations that are often a major part of one’s upbringing. For instance, boys are reared with a hero motto to follow. They are usually prevented from showing their emotions and if required they may be called into service to give their lives for their country. Muslim boys may be reared to be martyrs.

This is also mind control because of the expectation of the community in which they grow. If they renege on their so-called ‘duty’ they could become outcasts and ridiculed as cowards.

All over there are people dedicated to wearing religious costumes and to following the laws set up by their leaders. Few want to rock the boat by declaring their disdain or that what they are doing is ridiculous and against their principles. So how much of that type of behaviour comes from within or is driven by social and religious pressure?

Wearing clothing outside of the norm suggests the person is expressing something extremely important to them. They are contracting to serve their god to which they have an allegiance. In areas where that being has no following, however, their appearance is often confronting and they can be set upon.

That allows for the mind control to have deep-seated roots and is even stronger than what the community or leaders expect. In my experience the Spirit has control of everyone and leading some to worship false gods and to follow tradition that few understand has to be spiritually driven. That also account for why the drive to express their allegiance in public or to die for it is so strong.

Higher Power, Lower You

Where are you in relation to God or the Higher Power of your understanding? If you are lower than him, it may not be questionable as to why you cannot connect with him or feel his presence.

Only with more than half a decade of recovery in two twelve-step programs and a return to my faith a year and a half ago, was I able to sufficiently dismantle my progressively erected barrier, created by abuse, trauma, suppression, dysfunction, and alcoholic (chemical) toxins during my upbringing, so that I could re-accept and -absorb him. At first, I was only able to open a peephole through which I could look and he could enter, but that has continued to enlarge.

Because you subconsciously consider your parents or primary caregivers perfect, God-like and -representative people whom you neither doubt nor question, it is virtually impossible, at the height of the disease of dysfunction, to conceptualize that the real God is accepting, understanding, merciful, forgiving, and loving, when your earthly parents have punished, judged, condemned, and abused.

You were created in God’s image, but these destructive and detrimental treatments uncreated you, converting and tearing apart your soul until you no longer share that image. How, therefore, can you identify and connect with a Higher Power whom you feel is now the opposite of you?

In fact, he soon bears the image, as viewed through your distorted eyes, of your biological parents, as opposed to the other way around.

How, furthermore, can you trust your eternal parent when he seemed to have turned his back on you during your greatest time of need?

Your plight, created in no small degree by betrayal and abandonment, taught you to seek spiritual refuge within-in the cocooned inner child-and then become self-sufficient, disconnected, and isolated from others, whom you could not entirely trust or rely upon to be there for you when you needed them. Your experience already painfully demonstrated this fact.

As the name implies, a “Higher Power” is higher than or above you, yet the disease of dysfunction unraveled your soul, causing you to disconnect and descend from him, sometimes sinking to an all-time, rock-bottom low. How, then, can you possibly reach him if you cannot even feel him?

However, it is from him that you, as a soul-a life force-came. There are two worlds-the physical and spiritual ones-and it is to the latter that your soul, physically and bodily uncontained, belong, but abuse and alcoholic upbringings ate way at it until you can only identify with what is left-the physical one. It is the ultimate separation from “home.”

My gradual reclimb of the twelve steps has enabled me to re-sow the fray and re-glimpse his presence. I am not, I have begun to realize, just hanging out there alone, like an unanchored boat floating in the middle of a lake.

There is more of me above, although I cannot necessarily see it with my physical eyes, and I have come to understand (perhaps “re-understand” is the more accurate term) that God is that part, origin, and source.

Any sink to the bottom of a person’s pit usually prompts him to seek what he can no longer find within himself-within his drained, dissolved, and dried out soul-the rest of him above, prompting him to surrender and allow God to restore and replenish him-a second, dip, if you will, into the well.

He is present. He just is. I could not find him when I was not. He has been equated to oxygen: you cannot see it, but you cannot live without it.

Gradual recovery repairs the severed ties and enables you to progressively retrust yourself, others, and the Higher Power of your understanding, which, in retrospect, you realize are one in the same.

In short, God is beingness and love, but when you are converted by dysfunction, disbelief, and sin, you lose yours and hence no longer feel the commonality of creation.

The Right Psychotherapy For Every Case

When you think about everything you have to do to transform your personality and triumph over life’s challenges you don’t feel you can become a hero.

Everything seems to be too difficult and tiring.

However, you can build the courage you need thanks to the information contained in your dreams.

Your dreams help you have a global image of your reality and an internal image of your psychological system. So, you stop thinking based on erroneous concepts and you acquire the right mindset.

You are ignorant, even if the knowledge you have seems to be impressing in your historical time. The knowledge you have is distorted by numerous factors in the cruel world ruled by greedy marketers, who are completely controlled by their satanic anti-conscience.

God sends you special information in your dreams to help you understand important truths.

The scientific method of dream interpretation discovered by Carl Jung and simplified by me helps you understand God’s words without distortions.

The fact that Carl Jung’s method of dream interpretation helped me discover that God is the dream producer, and then discover the satanic origin of the human conscience proves to the world that the scientific translations really transcribe God’s messages in dreams.

Otherwise, I would never be able to discover anything.

I had no intention to continue Carl Jung’s research, but I was able to do so, besides my ignorance, because I precisely obeyed the guidance I had in my dreams.

The truth is that I was prepared to follow these steps because God needed someone in order to show to the human race that we are in fact cruel demons. We are not really human.

This tragedy explains the existence of many other tragedies, but the obedience to God’s guidance in dreams helps everyone eliminate their satanic anti-conscience and learn how to attain sanctity.

The fact that now we know how really absurd and evil we are means that we can understand why we must obey God’s guidance.

We have to be corrected and attain sanctity. Sanctity is sound mental health and wisdom.

Ignorant human beings believe that we don’t need to be saints in order to be mentally healthy, but the truth is that only saints are mentally healthy. Our opinion is based on ignorance and rudimentary thoughts.

God’s method is painful and tiring because there is no other way, but this method works and corrects our behavior once and for all.

We cannot stop being demons without suffering, but once we accept suffering in order to become perfect human beings, we stop suffering because of the consequences of our mistakes and we stop having mental health problems.

When we manage to eliminate our anti-conscience we can develop our conscience and attain higher consciousness.

God’s psychotherapy in dreams is similar to His psychotherapy in our religion. His method is not like the cold and narrow-minded human treatments.

God tries to help us become more sensitive.

The creative dream images give to all dreamers a clear description of their own behavior. They also analyze the thoughts that determine the dreamers’ actions.

The fact that God sends us dreams with important messages about our mind and our life while we sleep proves that His psychotherapy in dreams accomplishes many goals at the same time.

Thanks to Carl Jung’s discoveries today we know the meaning of the dream symbols and the dream logic, and we are able to understand the importance of every dream for the dreamer.

The scientific method of dream interpretation puts an end to all misconceptions about the meaning of dreams, proving to the world that God and Satan are alive.

The fight between good and evil characterizes our existence.

Now we know that everyone must attain sanctity in order to stop being absurd and evil.

Science and religion are not opposite disciplines. Everything is related in our reality, but we ignore many details about our reality, and this is why we cannot see how everything is related and why.

To Pray Is to Be

Which language do you speak? Prayer is the one that God or a Higher Power of your understanding does and to which he most responds. It fosters the ultimate and uninterrupted soul-to-soul link with him, the direct connection to creator, force and source of created. It nurtures your relationship with him and repaves the invisible path you followed when you descended into physical form.

It may not be habitual. Sadly, it may require desperation-the last effort and attempt to manifest what you desire and need, the final pull from the depths of quicksand into which you have sunk. I know I am guilty of this.

It requires isolation of your soul and a reduction in reactivity so that you can reach and commune with God in a minimally mentally static manner.

It may require the laying aside of your free will, turning it over to God and allowing him to direct through his. They may not necessarily be the same.

It requires faith, because you live in a visible, finite world and he is the invisible, infinite one.

Prayer necessitates realization and acceptance of your limitations. Not being able to see beyond them is a limitation in and of itself. Not believing that God can circumvent any obstacle is both a limitation and the subconscious doubt that he is the creator of all and everything. Not believing that God can reach and work through others may reflect the fact that he has, at times, not been able to reach and work through you.

“My vision can be so limited,” according to the Al-Anon text, Courage to Change (Al-Anon Family Ground Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 48). “I often think the only possible outcomes are those that I can imagine. Fortunately, my Higher Power is not restricted by such logic…

“But faith takes practice. Fears can loom large (and) I can get lost in my limited thinking. When I can’t see any way out and I doubt that even a Higher Power can help me, that’s when I most need to pray. When I do, my actions demonstrate my willingness to be helped. And time after time, the help I need is given to me.”

Prayer originates from the soul and love, not the mind and intellect. It requires patience, trust, and perhaps even chance, since God’s plan for your life may not necessarily be your own.

His delay or denial may require your acceptance without foresight or understanding. After all, he knows what lies down the road. You do not.

“I keep in mind whatever is bothering me when I say the Serenity Prayer,” continues Courage to Change (Ibid, p. 352). “What is it that I need to accept or change? I pray for the wisdom to know the difference and the serenity and courage to follow through with what I learn.”

With prayer, you transcend the physical plane and brush the fringes of the eternal one from which you came.

God is everywhere, because there is no “where” in his essence, nor dimension or time. The two most powerful words in the English language may be “I am,” which express existence in and of itself, which you and God are.

To pray, in the end, is to be.

Article Sources

“Courage to Change.” Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.

The Adult Child Inability to Ask for Help

Ask an adult child who endured dysfunction, alcoholism, or abuse during his upbringing what the idea of “asking for help” evokes, and he may respond “hesitation,” “restriction,” “trauma,” “confrontation,” and “distrust.” But why?

Reasoning, I realized, is in the wiring-of the brain, that is-and my own was soldered during my upbringing-in other words, the wiring contained the ‘why,” or, in my case, the why not when it came to asking others for this help.

How, it is certainly fair to wonder, can you expect help from others-and especially strangers-when your own parents were not there for you? Parental “help” may have been more synonymous with abandonment.

My father was a para-alcoholic, who was exposed to the same erratic, unpredictable behavior he subjected me to, yet neither knew that he was an abused child nor that there was anything wrong with the treatment he received. And my mother, while caring and loving, grew up with a father who himself suffered from an explosive personality that could only be quelled with a quick gambling fix (translated as a full-blown addiction) and she was just as powerless-not to mention frightened-when the insanity played out in my home environment.

Based upon this ostensible normalcy, how and why, I often wondered, would those who did not know me from Adam endeavor to “help” me or even acknowledge my existence? This was what I knew. It was never questioned or corrected, and certainly seemed to configure my brain’s circuitry at a pre-school age, perpetually preparing me for rejection and trepidation.

Subconsciously transported back to my original parental betrayal and the trauma it created, help equaled harm, causing me to feel exposed, even in present time, to a person who may have treated me in a similar manner. Who, I can only ask, would want more of this?

The sheer thought re-erects that impenetrable wall that separated me from my father and, ultimately, others-the one that rumbled, “Step over this line and you’ll be sorry that you did!”

Placing the potential help on one side of a seesaw and the potential hurt its asking could yield on the other, I often assessed the lesser of the two evils, even if that risk were nothing more than irrational in nature, whose seed was planted in childhood. As I continue to pursue my recovery path, I have begun to realize, of course, that it was.

Desperate times lead to desperate measures, it has often been said, and I usually had to fall into the former category before I even contemplated the latter of asking for help. I can only imagine the perplexity of a person who is the product of a safe, nurturing childhood when he tries to understand how seeking a helping hand from another could be considered a “desperate measure,’ much less a dangerous one. The person, I am sure, would not blink an eye at asking, “Could you help me with… ”

Then again, that person never had the need to cross his brain’s wires the way I did and then experience and expect the opposite of what would have been considered normal, reasonable, and rational. There were times when my father went ballistic at the sheer thought of aiding his “enemy.” I thought I was his son…
Exposure to any later-in-life authority figure was an instantaneous lighting, like a switchboard, of those circuits, followed by the emotional drop into the pit known as ‘victimhood.’ If being victimized and perhaps harmed could be equated with “help,” then I would rather do without it, thank you.

Indeed, there were times when my father seemed intolerant of my sheer presence and asking him for things was sometimes nothing more than a race between the rational request and the rise of his defensive wall, leaving me unable to reach him. (I later suspected that he was the recipient of the same rejected treatment when he dared the same interaction with his father.) It was hardly worth the successful delivery (of whatever I needed) if I had to fear another retriggered explosion to achieve it. This was certainly one of the circumstances which had me think twice-if not ten times-about ‘bothering” others for this aid, even as an adult.

It also did not breed any sense of self-esteem or worth, implying that I was just not good enough to even give the time, attention, or help to.

Adult children negotiate life, hiding their deep-dark secrets about the deep hole in their souls and the flaws they believe reflect their intrinsically faulty endowment. They are unaware that this rift was progressively created by parents who suffered from the same deficiencies and projected them on to them. Asking for help, to an adult child, is thus the equivalent of advertising it, a scream, if you will, of “Hey, world, look at how unworthy and inferior I am! I need your help because I can’t do it myself!”

“I was intimidated by step five, because it meant revealing my darkest secrets to another person,’ according to “Courage to Change,” the Al-Anon text (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 127). “Afraid that I would be rejected for being less than perfect, I put so much energy into hiding the truth that, although no one rejected me, I was as isolated and lonely as if they had.”

The adult child syndrome forces a person, without choice, into a state of isolated self-sufficiency, which serves as an outward expression of distrust in others, an inability to have relied on them when he needed them, and the ultimate attempt to create an environment of safety, security, and stability. Ironically, the more he believes that he is inadequate and incapable, the more he must dig within himself to find the “Jack of all trades” resources to individually achieve what he needs, transforming him from incapable (in belief) to autonomous (in ability).

Trust is a must, but requiring help returns him to a state of helplessness, when the very parents who should have aided him were the very ones who caused his plight and may have become the ones from whom he most needed protection.

“One effect of alcoholism is that many of us are reluctant to get close to people,’ according to ‘Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 363). “We have learned that it is not safe to trust, to reveal too much, to care deeply. Yet we often wish we could experience closer, more loving relationships.”

It may require a significant amount of recovery, during which a person’s childhood-bred fears, traumas, misbeliefs, and distortions eventually dissolve and enable him to view others in a non-authority figure, parent-emulating light who care and are concerned, so that he can see their good-intentioned actions of help for what they are and not the potentially detrimental offer his rewired brain tries to otherwise convince him of.

The ultimate help may come from his creator or the Higher Power of his understanding. But turning to him may be the most difficult act.

A disconnection and fall from him may, first and foremost, have been the initial subconscious step toward his disbelief. Leaving him vulnerable and powerless to shaming and damaging parents without intervention certainly did nothing to instill his confidence in an entity who could have protected him from danger and aided him during his greatest time of need. And finally, whatever he associates his earthly parents with he eventually attaches to his eternal one, assigning the same condemning and punishing qualities to him, until he can no longer see through this distorted filter.

Once again, it requires a considerable amount of recovery, during which his distortions are dissolved and he rises to a level of wholeness, before he can re-embrace God and regain enough faith and trust to ask him for the help he needs.

“I have an important part to play in my relationship with my Higher Power,” according to “Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 48). “I have to be willing to receive help, and I have to ask for it. If I develop the habit of turning to my Higher Power for help with small, everyday matters, I’ll know what to do when faced with more difficult challenges.”

Article Sources:

“Courage to Change.” Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.

Impact Of Psychological Capital On Job Performance

Psychological capital is a very trait of the human capital. It refers to a person’s self-efficacy, hope, optimism, and resiliency. In other words, the positive psychological strengths and capacities of an individual enable him/her to function productively. In the past, people tend to focus on the negative side of the human behavior like failure, burnout and helplessness. But nowadays, there is a shift of focus; from the weakness of a person to his/her strengths.

Hope is one of the psychological capital which is a positive motivational state of an individual to become successful or a strong desire to meet his/her goals. It means that a person has the will to accomplish or achieve an intended output or result. Apparently, hope constitutes the gut to succeed and the competence to identify, clarify, and pursue the ladder to success despite the risks encountered in the process. It also indicates desirable work attitudes.

Then, the resiliency of a person enables him/her to have a positive coping mechanism and adaptation in the face of significant risk or adversity. At the workplace, resilience is the positive psychological capacity to rebound or bounce back from adversity, uncertainty, conflict, failure, or even positive change, progress and increased responsibility. It is how a person can face negative events in life without breaking. In fact, a person becomes more resilient when he/she can effectively rise back from a previous setback. Resilient people usually succeed after a series of many failures without giving up.

On the other hand, optimism is the ability of an individual to make internal, stable, and global attributions regarding positive events such as a task accomplishment and those who attribute external, unstable, and specific reasons for negative events like a failure to meet a deadline. It is associated with a positive outcome of events including positive emotions and motivation. In short, optimistic people are realistic because it involves of what he/she can and cannot accomplish in a particular situation and hence adds to one’s efficacy and hope. In other words, realistic optimism is very dynamic and changeable and is considered state-like. In fact, human accomplishments and positive well-being require an optimistic sense of personal adequacy to defeat the numerous roadblocks to success.

Although hope and optimism are synonymous in nature but the optimism of a person comes in whenever an outcome is perceived as having substantial value. When directly applied to the workplace, it was found out to have a positive significant relationship with job performance and job satisfaction.

Finally, in terms of self-efficacy, it represents a positive belief and refers to the employee’s confidence about his or her abilities to mobilize the motivation, cognitive resources or courses of action needed to successfully execute a specific task within a given context. Again, self-efficacy was found to have a strong positive relationship with work-related performance though not an acquired trait. It is inherent in a person but can be developed over time.

Therefore, self-efficacy, hope, optimism, and resilience are important facets of human psychological capital. The combined motivational effects is broader and more effective than any one of the constructs individually. Each of these facets has a unique and common cognitive and motivational processes that enable excellent job performance.

Employee’s excellent job performance and satisfaction is not only due to the salary and fringe benefits they received from a company or an organization but mainly because they possess positive psychological capacity which is considered as a strong predictor of job success.

Step Up to the First Step of Recovery

Like the foundation of a twelve-story building, the first of the twelve steps must be solidly laid before a person can construct the floors to which he needs to climb to re-reach a level of wholeness. Paradoxically, it is the shattering scaffold on which he usually teeters before he does so, thus first requiring a step up in and of itself.

The first step of any recovery program, which states that “we admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism and other family dysfunction (and) that our lives had become unmanageable,” is the initial one from which a person must ascend from his all-time emotional and spiritual low.

Threshold to this rise are usually the debilitating aspects of a person’s life that prove more precarious and painful than the plunge into the unknown-that is, that first step into a twelve-step recovery room where, sitting before a sea of strange faces, he must confront his demons and reveal the mostly buried scars and secrets of his upbringing that bred the hole in his soul and his ultimate spiral from wholeness. What irony: the single letter “w” designates his diametrically opposed states of “whole” and “hole.”

What he may not be aware of in the midst of the fellowship is that behind those unrecognizable faces is the same upbringing that caused everyone’s wounds and that the helping hand of a Higher Power, in whom he may have long ago ceased believing, will lift, dissolve, repair, and restore. The very damage and debilitation that separated him from humanity is the very commonality that creates his bond with them now.

That first step across the room’s threshold may not be easy, however. Indeed, the same anxieties he may have about attending his first meeting are assuredly the same ones which restrict him from partaking of most of everything else he would like to do in life.

Pain, like bulldozers, can move mountains into recovery venues and surrounding them are the wheels that turn them into that vital first step: unmanageability, powerlessness, surrender, brushes with the rocks at the bottom-often called a person’s “rock bottom”-and,, perhaps, ignorance of what caused his plight.

Although he may have suffered from a strange malady throughout his life that both physicians and psychologists could only circumvent, but not cure, a lack of alcoholism in the traditional sense during his upbringing may have left him clueless, poising him for a witch-hunt to uncover what may have caused his parent’s unpredictable, detrimental dual-personality behavior toward him. Like most, he may believe that alcoholism is a liquid, not a behaviorally characteristic disease, much less than that it could be passed, like a baton in a relay race, from one generation to another, even without the drip of the drink. As a race, however, it leaves one to run to his demise until that first step in a recovery room is undertaken, where he admits that he is powerless over the effects of alcoholism or family dysfunction.

“Step One requires that we admit that our family is dysfunctional and the dysfunction affects our thinking and behavior as adults,” advises the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. 122). “We must admit that we are powerless over the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional home. Our lives are unmanageable regardless of appearances of self-sufficiency. Social standing or compulsive self-reliance does not equal recovery.”

Al-Anon’s “Courage to Change” text (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 283) echoes this reality. “The first step prepares us for a new life, which we can achieve only by letting go of what we cannot control, and by undertaking, one day at a time, the monumental task of setting our world in order through a change in our thinking,” it states.

Certain diseases are resistant to treatment. This one, whether resultant of pure- or para-alcoholism, certainly is-not necessarily because twelve-step recovery is ineffective (with time, persistence, and dedication, it is), but because the sufferer has long been indoctrinated in the need for his isolated self-sufficiency.

There are two concepts in this term. In the first, “isolated,” the person has forcibly, albeit it subconsciously, disconnected from others in an anti-social manner because of his upbringing-bred distrust. While at times painful, his loneliness fosters stability, eliminating the re-firing of his triggers. Add alcoholic toxins to them and he becomes the center of the traumatic re-explosions in his head, vowing to resort to any tactic to avoid them.

The second concept, “self-sufficiency,” was once a necessity, but now becomes a deterrent to the implementation of the first step. As the recipient of repeated shame, blame, belittlement, and abuse, he first had to weather his internal storm and the psychological, emotional, and neurological damage that treatment inflicted. He was subtly taught not to rely on those he most needed-namely, his parents or primary caregivers-and often had to substitute for them, assuming their role by administering care and attention to younger siblings. Whatever he needed, he was forced to find within himself.

Relinquishing this self-sufficiency survival trait later in life is the equivalent of tossing a life preserver aside in the middle of the Atlantic. It goes against his grain. It was the only method he could adopt to function and endure an adverse childhood experience he never understood.

Turning his will over to a Higher Power now may be virtually impossible until he sinks to an all-time low, especially when he believes that that Higher Power abandoned him just as his parents did. Why, he may ask, would He be there for him now?

Isolation and self-sufficiency are only two of the survival traits he unknowingly adopted. Amazingly, however, these traits illustrate two functions of the brain.

Firstly, they demonstrate that the brain is so flexible and survival-oriented, that it reconfigured its circuitry during his chaotic upbringing so that he could adopt the traits themselves, such as people-pleasing, approval seeking, an overdeveloped responsibility, and virtual addictions to fear, over and above the isolation and self-sufficiency, to function and create the perception of safety in the midst of the adversity. Exposed to such conditions in the child’s home-of-origin, the brain can only assume that the world-at-large, which it considers a natural extension of it, will offer the same conditions.

Secondly, these necessary behavioral characteristics are so natural to him, that the brain’s self-preservation ability precludes him from questioning or challenging what can only be considered “normal,” ensuring that he will not tamper with the only way he knows of negotiating life. That others do not similarly think or perceive as he does is equally not questioned or considered.

The first step to the first step is emerging from denial and realizing these facts.

“Separating from our dysfunctional family is a healthy act of defiance,” the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook continues (op. cit., p. 123). “By doing so, we are challenging the authority of the family lie. We are making a statement that we will no longer be loyal to denial and family dysfunctional roles.”

Step up to the first step and allow the recovery process to relieve, release, and heal until you are once again whole.

The Second Step of Adult Child Recovery

The second step of recovery-namely, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”-may be a relatively short proclamation, but greater analysis of it reveals three significant concepts a person must understand and transcend before he can embrace it.

The first of these is the belief itself. Elusively definable, “believing” is acceptance, without facts or proof, that something is true or that someone exists, both of which may be beyond a person’s logic, reasoning, understanding, or detection by means of at least one of his five senses. It requires trust, faith, and confidence. Belief is that physical world-transcendent power that draws a person higher, toward his Creator, connecting his soul with the realm from which it came, causing him to realize that there is more to him than his earthly existence suggests. The Nicene Creed states, in part, “We believe in… all things visible and invisible.”

The second concept concerns God himself or a Higher Power of a person’s understanding, since his connection with Him Is usually the first bond-and hence belief-that is broken as a result of a betraying, abusive, alcoholic, and/or dysfunctional upbringing. There are numerous obstacles to his conceptualization of such an essence or force now.

Existing, first and foremost, in an imperfect, impermanent, finite physical state, in which “seeing is believing,” he may find it difficult to identify with an entity that is perfect, eternal, and infinite, all properties opposite of his human condition.

If, secondly, he was abandoned, shamed, criticized, or abused by the primary caregivers he most needed during his upbringing, why, he may ask, would a Higher Power, who equally seemed to have abandoned him during these traumatic times, be there for him now?

The stored traumas, negative emotions, and wounds he was forced to squelch and swallow, but could not express, most likely collected into a defensive wall, which now separates his soul from his Creator.

That wall, as has often been described by the “edges God out” mnemonic, is nothing short of the “ego,” which is a barrier to his Higher Power, since this false sense of self is the opposite of that Higher Power’s properties.

His inner child, furthermore, which was created during his initial trauma so that he could spiritually escape the danger he was subjected to, is so buried in its protective cocoon, even as an adult, that God is equally unable to reach him.

Not entirely able to trust others, he has most likely entered into “forced exile” or a state of isolated self-sufficiency, having learned that he could not rely on others to aid him, fulfill his needs, or even protect him, forcing him to find the resources within instead, as if he lived on an emotionally deserted island.

Now disconnected and untethered, he perpetually lives on the outside, looking in. Unable to form a link with them, he is equally unable to connect with the God of whom they are extensions.

Unable to see His face, he may subconsciously see the face of his dysfunctional or alcoholic parents instead, incapable of penetrating the fearful or distrustful emotions he associates with them.

If his parents were that destructive, he may reason, how condemning and destroying must the most powerful force in the universe be?

Finally, having lived a fear-based life as a result of his survival-mode, fight-or-flight upbringing, he may not have learned the true concept of love or been deluded into believing that “love” was abuse and pain. God is love, but how can he feel Him if he cannot feel it?

“Some initially believe we are speaking of a religious entity,” according to “Paths to Recovery: Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions, and Concepts” (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1997, p. 18). “We are not. We are speaking of a loving, caring, nurturing Power that provides us with guidance in dealing with the effects of the disease of alcoholism.”

The second step’s third concept is restoration to sanity, which begs the question: what is its opposite or insanity?

Living in an unstable, unpredictable, chaotic, toxic, and sometimes downright dangerous environment with a pure- or para-alcoholic without means of protection or escape is certainly one definition and forces the child, who cannot understand the reason for his detrimental treatment-which he invariably assumes are justifications for his own flaws and unloveablilty-to adopt later-in-life survival traits, such as isolating and people-pleasing, as a result of the rewiring or reconfiguration his brain initiated in the midst of his danger.

Developmentally arrested and viewing the world through a distorted lens, he acts as if there had been no time passage between child- and adulthood, and he is most likely stuck somewhere between the two ends.

The definition of insanity in this case is the mind’s continued re-creation and reaction, through defenses, of the childhood home-of-origin conditions in the world-at-large as an adult, prompting the person to finish out what was never understood or resolved then.

“Since we grew up with an orientation to fear, shame, and abandonment, we seek out situations that re-create these feelings in ourselves,” according to the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. 136.) They are, after all, all he knows.

There is another element the adult child may attempt to complete.

“The insanity we speak of in Step Two refers to our continued efforts, beyond all reason, to heal or fix our family of origin through our current relationships,” the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook also advises (ibid, p. 134). “In an attempt to heal our dysfunctional family from the past, many of us set ourselves up as a Higher Power in our current relationships.”

“The basic spiritual principle introduced in Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than we are that provides hope for sanity, whether we are living with active alcoholism or not,” according to “Paths to Recovery” (op. cit., p. 18). “Step Two reaffirms that we may be powerless, but we are not helpless, and we are not alone.”

The disease of dysfunction, in the end, is not necessarily a mental condition, but a shattered spiritual one and God or a Higher Power of a person’s understanding can integrate and restore him to wholeness through twelve-step recovery.